Dealing and whatnot

Here's to attempting to be positive.  I'm trying.  I am. I'm moderately succeeding.

We're still doing tests to see what's causing my enlarged heart and arrhythmia.  Had another stint overnight at Yale last week.  Almost passed out getting a drink of water in the middle of the night, then woke up at five with the cold sweats, chest pain and nausea.  Thankfully, each time I've been in the hospital there's been no sign I've had heart attacks.  BUT, I still have this screwed up heart rhythm and too big heart.  I have an appointment with a congestive heart failure specialist on Tuesday and a PET Scan on 5/12.  They're checking for sarcoidosis to see if that's what's causing all of this...or to rule it out if it's not.  I just want some answers...and a prognosis.

What makes me nervous is well...everything.  We asked the cardiologist if we overreacted coming in.  I was told no.  If I have any cardiac shit happen I need to get checked out.  Period.  My lifestyle has changed.  Can I chaperone my daughter's field trip to Six Flags?  No.  I get tired walking around Walmart, let alone a day hoofing around with teenagers.  I'm supposed to get another tattoo in a few weeks.  Need to find out if I can do that.  Anything that can cause strain on my heart, I can't do.

I just want to know WHY.  Why is my heart doing this?  What if it worsens?  I'm only forty-eight...I have plans for my future.  What do I do then?  I'm trying to take it a day at a time.  But it's hard and I'm afraid.  It sucks.