Roll with it...

 

Today is Monday.  Thankfully its over.  Honestly?  It wasn't that bad.  I just wish there was a more subtle way to shut one's brain off other than tripping a circuit. Today was that kinda day.  And it's not big stuff.  It's an accumulation of little shit...like playing with emotional blocks.  How high can you build the tower before it falls?

Like I said in my status yesterday...falling into my "hole" is familiar and oddly comforting, but it's like a bad habit.  That one cigarette long after you quit, that one drink because you're stressed and can handle it.  Depression is like that.  It's subtle.  Keep saying "I'm fine." and watch how fast you aren't.

I'm out.  I can't hide behind the "I'm fines" anymore.  It's liberating.  I'm not afraid to admit when I have a bad day or two.  It was when I couldn't that a bad day would turn into a bad week...then a bad month.

Talking about your feelings isn't easy.  Sometimes there are no words to express what's banging around in your head.  It's acknowledging the feeling, telling someone you care about, "Hey, I'm having a day.  Bear with me." that helps you feel better.  Think of it as emptying a stinky pile of garbage into a dumpster.  

My inner cheerleader assures me that everything will be OK.  And if it's you having a rotten, crappy, all around bad day?  Tomorrow's a new day.  Get some sleep.  It will be OK.

Goodbye Summer...

Today is the first day of autumn.

Damn.

Has anyone noticed all the trees changing already?  I drive the back roads to work and there are shots of reds, yellows and oranges everywhere.  It's only September!

Fall is my favorite time of the year.  What's not to like?

Warm days, cool nights.  Apples and pumpkins.  Cider with carmel vodka (Try it.  Trust me.).  It's dragging out the hoodies and jeans, the Bearpaws and fleecies.  It's Saturday night firepits and friends.  It's the ending of NASCAR and baseball and the start of football.  It's crock pots and soups.  It's baking, baking and more baking. It's Halloween and costumes and candy.  And romance.  I was married Halloween night in 1997.

I'm glad it's only three months of the year.  It's counting down to Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It's closing out another year.  I try to enjoy it and not think of what comes after.

WINTER.

Enjoy this while it's here.  :-)

Tempus Fugit

Latin for "Time Flies"

With summer waning, it seems more true than ever.  Time is flying.  Maybe it's this BS with getting older.  I try not to dwell on the fact my life is more that half over (unless God willing I live into my nineties).

Even this year...I left Lowes six months ago.  I'm no longer new at my job.  Tim has been gone six months, Mikey has been gone eighteen.  My mom has been gone almost thirteen years.

Tempus Fugit.

How do we make time slow down?  Our babies are growing up...starting school, becoming teens, starting jobs.  Everyday they're an inch taller it seems.  One second you're carrying them...the next they're looking down at you.  It's surreal.

Still...time marches on.  Old friends are getting older.  Two of my friends just turned forty six.  I met them when they were my daughter's age.  Now they have kids of their own.  It's just crazy.

Slow down.  I know...it's hard.  We have responsibilities.  We have kids.  We have jobs.  Blah blah blah.  It's beautiful night.  Go outside...listen to the crickets chirp.  Five minutes is all I ask.  Breathe deep and clear your mind.  Close your eyes and remember what is was like to be outside when the street lights came on.  hell, go dance under a street light if the urge strikes.  :)

Tempus Fugit.