Robin Williams is dead. Hung himself with a belt. His entire adult life was a struggle with addiction. I thought at first he had had a heart attack...that after all the abuse it simply couldn't function anymore. Instead, his soul gave up. Simple as that.
It hurts me deeply that someone like him, who was adored by millions, couldn't be saved. It hurts more because I've already lost someone this year and almost lost myself at one point. It opens wounds that were healing.
Depression is as much a disease as diabetes or cancer. You are never "cured" in the truest sense...you learn coping skills to keep the beast at bay. But it's there, every day, lurking. Best analogy?
Most days it sleeps. Days like today...you hear the growl and cage rattling.
When you have dealt with depression like I have all this armchair diagnosing makes me want to scream! If you have never been to the bottom and made your way back, you just don't know. There's being blue, being down and then there's being DEPRESSED.
Everyone is different. For me, I felt nothing. I could smile and laugh, but inside I was dead. It is an awful feeling. You aren't living as much as you are functioning. I was like that for four years. I pray I never go back there again. Could it happen? Absolutely. I am not cured...but I have learned to ask for help when I need it, to be honest with my family and friends when I am down and believe in tomorrow.
I am not ashamed of my past, of my depression or my suicide attempt. It has made me who I am today...a good wife, mother and friend. And maybe an example to someone who is struggling tonight.
There is hope...you can get better. I promise.
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